Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Post-Turkey Day Update

Happy belated Thanksgiving to all, which includes my Irish family - I ate for you as well! I hope everyone had a peaceful and happy holiday.

I don't have any news that is make or break. I won't have a scan done until the end of January/beginning of February. If they did a scan now the Dr's wouldn't really be able to differentiate between what is inflammation, tumor, dead tumor, or scar tissue. So we wait. We wait until the inflammation and all settles down. I go to Robert Wood Johnson (rwj) hospital every 2 weeks for blood work, and follow up stuffthen I'll go once a month then every 2 etc. I also of course, continue to see Dr. Moriarty every two weeks so I can ask him if I can be done with cancer now, because it is like really, really, totally, like totally, totally lame...poor guy - I always ask impossible questions.

Before and up until Thanksgiving I was feeling pretty crappy. I felt like I had the flu, with muscle-aches, headaches, and a raging fever (but I didn't have a fever). Dr. M. said it was radiation poisoning, which almost sounds redundant to me. I thought he was kidding. I asked him if he was, but he said it is actually a real thing. However thanks to Fran who was home from wed. before Thanksgiving until the Monday and I was able to get a lot of rest (thank you dear) and I have been feeling much better. It really can't compare to being on chemo but I just want to put the info out there for anyone interested.

I am kind of glad that we have to wait for scans. Dr. M. says he isn't putting me back on chemo until we know what the deal is and so in the interim, we are having what I would call a "quiet section." I say quiet section because as my fellow cancer com padres know, or anyone who is close to cancer knows, your life kind of moves in 3 months increments. That's how it feels to me anyway. So right now we are having a quiet 3 month section. I know that the tumor is dying (supposed to be anyway) so there is not much more I can do right now but let that happen.

Thank you everyone for all your support, prayers, emails, messages, hugs, smiles, friendship and love. I am so humbled and awed that after almost 4 years the support and love that our family has received is as strong if not stronger than ever. I genuinely find myself taken aback at how much people do for us and continue to do for our family many who I don't even know. People just give of themselves wanting nothing in return - amazing. For my kids, my husband and myself I say "thank you.

People are amazing, and you all really humble me to be a better friend, a better person because of all of your support. I hope I can support and love people the way myself and my family have been loved, and supported.

Again, thank you and let's keep praying for each other eh?


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Still Glowing

So as Fran mentioned the sir-sphere procedure went well. Dr. Nosher told me that the scan they took immediately following the procedure showed the intense uptake of the spheres in the tumor. That's great news. Now we just sit and wait.

I am doing fine. Could feel better could feel worse. I came home from Chris and Kate's a bit early cause I just couldn't take being away from the kids any longer, though it was hard to leave a place where you are waited on hand and foot and with so much love. It was also great to hang out with Chris and Kate which is something I don't get to do very often. Thank you guys (and Steve and Gio) for sharing your home and taking such good care of me.

In the interest of any other readers who might be getting this procedure, or are just curious, the recovery isn't that bad. Though I have decided today that I hate physical recovery in all forms it's annoying and always takes longer than you think and so on, and so on, complain, complain, complain. The biggest thing is I have very low energy and no appetite. I feel kind of nauseous but I think that's because of my appetite being off.

Anyway that's about it. Fran took great care of the kids, doing all their school stuff and keeping them happy and comforted. Thanks to all our family and friends for your support. We really appreciate it and it helps us more than you can ever know.


Tuesday, October 26, 2010

SIR Spheres Radiation

Karen's doing well. Just a brief note by way of update: Karen spent the day in Robert Wood Johnson receiving the radiation portion of her SIR Spheres treatment. She is recuperating, very nauseous and utterly exhausted.

Her CEA was measured, it was 189 for those keeping track and will be monitored in the coming months to determine how effective the treatment has been.

She'll spend the week with Chris and Kate to avoid giving the kids a permanent sun tan if you know what I mean. Daddy daycare is fully operational although classes are full and we are not accepting new applicants.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

SIR Spheres Embolization

Karen's doing well. She's in the hospital at Robert Wood Johnson getting a scheduled procedure done currently and I'm headed there soon. She asked to update the blog so here goes.

Today is step one in her radiation treatment. There are two steps. Today (now) Doctor Nosher at Robert Wood Johnson is blocking off certain pathways within her liver's blood stream. This will allow the radiation treatment (scheduled for next Tuesday 26th) to flow to the tumor within her liver.

She left early this morning and is expected home this evening. I got the kids off to school, ran a few errands and am headed there now.

UPDATE: karen's done and all went fine, she has to lay flat on her back for the next 6hours or so. Will be home tonight.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Scan News - Not Great, Not Terrible

Greetings ya'll! I hope everyone is enjoying the end of their summers.

I had an MRI done on Monday to see the progress of the last 5 months of treatment and Fran and I met with Dr. Moriarty this morning. The tumor is, of course, still there in my liver. It did grow but not by much.

My last scan was March 18th 2010, but that was post cryoablation and there was still inflammation and swelling so the measurement of that tumor would not be accurate. So since last Oct/Nov the tumor was 1.6 by 1.3 cm., and this measurement was 2.9 by 1.9 cm. There was no new growth found in my liver or elsewhere. The MRI didn't scan my lungs and I am very paranoid about having tumors there, so I asked Dr. Moriarty about that and about getting a CT scan done. He said he doesn't and isn't very concerned that there is tumor growth but he has scheduled one for me regardless.

He also wants to take a different treatment plan approach. It is called SIR-spheres, or (SIRT-spheres) and is another targeted, localized therapy like ablation but it involves radiation without damaging healthy liver tissue.

Dr. Moriarty wants us to see a Dr. John Nosher out of Robert Wood Johnson in New Brunswick, so we will be setting that stuff up over the next week or so. Since we are looking at a different treatment option path I get a bit of a break from chemo and erbitux Hurrrrrayyyy!!! That made me very happy to hear, part of me didn't care what the reason was, I am just so happy to get a break, give my family a break, and be able to focus on getting Sydney settled into first grade, and Ethan into his last year in preschool, or rather pre-k (just to be official).

The reason(s) Moriarty is changing things up, is, to my understanding,
  1. because the spheres work by flowing through the blood vessels feeding the tumor - and a major one (the inferior vena cava or IVC) is. I am a good candidate for this procedure,
  2. it gives my mind and body a break from chemo, and if it's successful will give me more time with a hopefully dead tumor until some new treatment comes down the pike.
I do have chemo options (thank God), but this is just another treatment we can use to get this tumor defunct.

So it's kind of a mixed bag of emotions. At the end of the day it still rots to have cancer. But I am grateful that being someone that has stage 4 CC, has it in one localized area and that in the past year it hasn't grown much or anywhere else due to the different treatments I have been able to get.

I am also very grateful to have Dr. Moriarty as my oncologist. He has never been idle in treating me and this stupid disease. I know I wouldn't be here if it weren't for him.

When we get the full picture of what's going on next I will definitely be updating. I hope everyone had a great summer. We had an awesome time going camping, going to Texas and we just returned from an amazing time in Topsail, North Carolina playing on the beach everyday. The summer went by so fast, but I am looking forward to the fall and some cooler weather, and seeing what the next few months hold for us.

God Bless.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Happy August

This is just a quick posting. I know I had mentioned previously that I would be having scans this week, but we are going to be waiting until the beginning of September.

We are just going to try and get another chemo tx in before and I think that's why, but I'm fine with it either way.

I really want to thank everyone for their encouraging comments and emails, and everything. Again I hesitate to mentioned individuals in the blog because then I start the avalanche of leaving people out and I can't take that!!!!!

Let's keep praying for each other, even when our prayers feel like vapor, they are heard. I think that's when God hears them most piercingly - when we can barely formulate the words. Life is hard enough without prayer.

Enjoy your minute, enjoy your hour, enjoy your day, find peace.


Wednesday, July 21, 2010

What's Been Going On

Hello my family and friends. Nothing monumental is going on, but I wanted to post an update, and be more dedicated to writing what is going on with myself and family in regards to cancer, in hopes it will help others too. Now I know that sounds cliche, but I am always skulking around looking for other stage 4ers, seeing what they are doing and how they are handling things, and it always makes me feel less crazy.

Well the basics are I will be going to only my 5th chemo treatment on Friday the 23rd. I am still getting erbitux every 2 weeks but the chemo and erbie are once a month. That's why things seem to be dragging on. Dr. Moriarty and I discussed that I will probably have a scan the first week of August and that will let us know if what we have been doing since April is working. I REALLY hope it is. Irregardless I will be continuing on chemo after the scans that I know. There is the possibilty it will be changed to something called Xeloda, due to the fact that I am not tolerating the current chemo that well, and my CEA levels keep creeping up. At last check they were at 58. In April they were around 30, so me no likey.

The side effects from chemo haven't changed. It takes me a good solid 10 days to recover and this isn't a "boo hoo, poor me" it just is what it is. If I see the treatment working I will drink cpt11 and erbitux for breakfast lunch and dinner. I'll admit it I am desperate to win this. I am desperate to live. The conundrum is there are thousands of cancer patients who think the same way as me, fight harder than me, and are more determined than me and they don't make it. So that screws with my head a whole lot. A lot of people with very great attitudes and strong wills to live end up dying. The cyclical conversation in my head, is, will that be me. Then I say "don't think that way, that is a negative path." But then I say "well I have to be realistic" then I say "yea but you have to kick this cancer's ass!" And the conversation just goes on and on and on and gets me......guess where.....NO WHERE!! Ha Ha

So I am trying to do this "live in the present" type deal. It definitely helps me take me out of myself and my own head. And my kids help do that too. I heard someone say once that children are the antidote to toxic self absorption! I love that, it is so true.

Now despite how sick I get after chemo, after the 10 days I am really feeling fine. I am full of Erbitux pustules and that's fine too. I start exercising and really feeling good. I take this as a good sign that my body is working well, and all my pipes and whistles and bells are working as they should when not being mixed with chemo and such.

I have also had a bit of a bright spot in the area of the Erbitux humiliating, pustulant rash. I finally decided to follow dr's orders and take the stupid antibiotics. I have been doing that for 3 weeks now and see a big difference. I hope it lasts, because ya know it would just be nice.

The kids are doing well. Francis and I decided to have Sydney talk to a pediatric therapist who specializes in anxiety disorders and cancer (talk about needle in a haystack) but actually Kathy at Overlook hooked me up with her and it has been going very well. We have seen great strides in Sydney in terms of dealing with anxiety and her mommy being sick. Sydney is an anxious child to begin with, and we have seen so many of the manifestations of her anxiety disappear and she is able to more constructively cope with what must be a very scary thing to deal with for a 6 year old.

Now Ethan, not to be excluded is 4 and a lot of this goes over his head. I know he is affected when we are in the moment of me being in bed for days, and we just try to love him up as much as we can and keep the doors of communication open for him. Our therapist Laura said he is really too young to be seen. And we agree. His struggles Fran and I are able to handle with some extra tlc, but Syd's were becoming a bit more than we knew what to do with. So we are very grateful. It is a great gift.

As a side note we have been having a great summer so far. We spent the whole first week of July camping, and when we came back the kids and I unpacked and repacked and flew to Texas to be with Cynthia and Brad and Mike and we had an awesome time on all counts. The summer has been going great and I am very grateful for that.

Ya know our minds are very powerful. They can push athletes to push their bodies to do amazing things. People run marathons in the desert for heavens sake. They can also push you to be negative, convince yourself of doing nothing with your life. It is a powerful tool.

I am very convinced and believe in my faith and in the strength of the mind pushing you where you want to go. I am going to push myself as hard as any athlete, any Olympian, because I need to live, and I need to raise my children with my husband until we are old. And no one is going to tell me no you're not, and no you can't do that. No one is going to tell me no.

Much Love,

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Chemo and Whatnot

Hello family and friends. Nothing exciting happening but I thought I should update what's been going on with chemo and stuff.

As previously posted I was going to have chemo every 2 weeks. After my first infusion on the 9th of April we have now gone to having chemo once a month and erbitux every two weeks. The reason being I was pretty sick and out of commission for over a week with the first treatment. When I went in for the second treatment two weeks later, Dr. Moriarty wasn't having it. Basically he said "no cpt today."

At first I was upset because I just wanted to keep pushing and get it done, though deep down I was relieved. Dr. Moriarty explained that I can't be that sick for that long and just keep getting pumped with chemo because my body will have zero immune system to fight with, along with the fact of having no quality of life. He of course is right as always.

I realized how right he was when I went in for chemo May 7th. I was thinking maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought. Well it was. I was knocked on my rear for about 10 days. I have always gotten sick from chemo, but this time I feel sicker and physically unable to do much. I stay in bed most of the time just unable to move. That's how it feels. I don't know why but that's just the way it has been going. Then the it just stops. I start feeling normal and it's like nothing happened (theoretically). It has left me quite puzzled. But I am very grateful for the 3 weeks to recover, so like I said Dr. Moriarty is always right.

So I am due again for June 4th. I haven't met with Dr. Moriarty in a few weeks as he has been on vacation, so I don't know what the plan is for the chemo schedule long term. I will be seeing him on the 3rd of June so I will know more then. My CEA still is hovering at 30 or so. It hasn't gone up or down last time we checked, and I assume I will have a scan in about a month or so, and we have an idea if its all working. Which I know it is.

The week long sick time has been really tough on the kids, and our little family in general. I am physically here but not. Mentally to be honest this last round I had, at the end of the week I was feeling emotionally shattered. I lay there trying to tell myself the"chemo is working, you're not dying, you're just sick from the chemo, you're sick from the chemo." But towards the end of the week I feel like a fool, that I'm just kidding myself. Then I see the kids and my heart aches and they are wondering when am I going to start feeling better, and I have no answer. I hate that they don't see me all week. I hate that they know I'm in bed not feeling well. I hate it all.

Then "poof" I don't feel sick anymore, and I can't believe all the terrible things I was thinking and feeling. It is a very draining cycle. But this is the battle of cancer and I am hardly and unfortunately, not alone. I draw such strength from my friends who are battling, who have been on long term chemo for well over a year or more, who are on their 3rd of 4th cancer, who are in clinical trials, who are have exhausted all their options and still live life. And that's what ya gotta do.

As always the support, love and prayers have been amazing, and we are so, so grateful. I know this is so hard on everyone around me, and I thank everyone who continues to sacrifice for us and love us and who keeps on praying for us. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
God Bless.


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Let's Try This Again Shall We?

Well third time's the charm I say. I start chemo this Friday April 9th. Three years and two days since I was first diagnosed. Just a little factoid.

I just wanted to give an update that I will be doing the chemo like I said on the 9th and then every two weeks following for 4 to 6 months, like I had mentioned in the last posting. For anyone curious I will be on CPT-11 and Erbitux.

I think I am over the initial being upset over it all and just want to get it done. Now that the "sad" cloud has cleared for me I am seeing the silver lining in that this treatment will work, and work well, and we keep moving forward. I am very grateful to have treatment options.

We did talk to the kids last weekend and told them that I have something called colon cancer. I think a lot of it went over their heads, especially Ethan, but I know once I begin treatment it will begin to sink in for them both what we are talking about.

Thank you everyone for your support and prayers we are deeply grateful.


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Our Plan B

Okay so here's the thing. We got the results back from the MRI, and the part of the tumor that was treated with the cryoablation procedure (frozen) appears to be mostly on the dead side. That's great. However the part that wasn't treated due to its proximity to a major portal vein in my liver, is of course, still viable/alive.

Back in November and up until this point we (Dr. Moriarty, Chamberlain, Schwartz and Fran and I) hoped that this portion could be effectively treated with the cyberknife, which would stave off any chemo treatment a bit longer. And the cyberknife is pretty non-invasive.

After reviewing the MRI Dr. Moriarty strongly feels that chemo would be a better treatment option as opposed to the cyberknife. In a nutshell this means I will be going back on chemo (which will be cpt-11) in about 2 weeks along with Erbitux.
I will do the chemo/erbitux regimen every 2 weeks for four to six months.

After talking at length with Dr. Moriarty Fran and I are in full agreement. Basically the cyberknife may treat the remaining tumor a bit, but we have a stronger and better chance with chemo. We know that my tumors in the past have been very sensitive to chemo - it worked. Dr. Moriarty did stress to me that he isn't saying I must go on chemo right now. We could wait a few months and "see what happens" but I don't want to be on the bad end of that. I don't want to wait and see that the viable tumor left is growing. And I know that Dr. Moriarty feels the same.

Now I always knew when this tumor reappeared in oct/nov chemo was again in my future. But I was hoping that with possibly doing the cyberknife it would push things to sept. and if the cyberknife was effective maybe just Erbitux (which just gives me a horrible rash but doesn't make me sick - or bald for that matter) and no cpt. But both Fran and I feel this is what we need to do and trust Dr. Moriarty to the utmost. He has brought me very far and with great care.

Chemo is horrible there is no denying that but seeing how you being on chemo effects the ones you love is far worse. The last time I had to be on any chemo regimen was 1 year and 9 months ago. The last time I was on Erbitux was 1 year 2 months ago. My children were a lot younger then, and we were able to keep the explanation of what mommy was going through in very simple terms. Not that they weren't effected then. However when I was diagnosed and began treatment they were 16 months and barely 3. Now they are almost 4.5 and 6. Quite a big difference. So now Fran and I are going to have to have a different discussion with them. We will be meeting with the oncology counselor at Overlook Oncology to try and help us formulate the initial conversation with them. I would much rather tell them about the birds and the bees.

So that is our plan for now. I was pretty upset last week when I found out. But I am dealing fine with it right now. I admit, I am trying to block out what I know will be happening when you are on chemo. I am just going to enjoy these next few weeks, enjoy my full head of hair, and my face without some serious acne action. To be honest at the root of it all I am very glad that I continue to have treatment that works, that I have options. I know I have said that before, but it is the stark truth. I am looking forward to seeing the death of this tumor, and continue to have faith and hope that maybe this will be the last time. But if not I am really fine with that, as long as I can be.

Lastly I just want to mention a very special person, with whom I have never spoken to, and I have never met. But she always posts on my blog. Her name is Mirjana. Her sister is a stage 4 colon cancer survivor. Mirjana has informed me through leaving a comment on my blog that she has breast cancer.
Mirjana, I am praying for you fervently. I have never been in touch, only because I don't know how to contact you. My heart was broken to hear this news from you and I hope you are holding up okay and have some more information to help you with your diagnosis.

Please everyone keep her in her prayers. She is very compassionate, and generous to post on my blog, always encouraging me and supporting me without ever hearing back from me. She is amazing.

With Much Love,

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Floatin' Along

I have been encouraged by some of my peeps to update my blog so I shall. There really isn't much to report just yet so thus, I haven't reported.

But as things stand now we are ct scanning, mri-ing, and watching my cea numbers looking for the outcome of the cryoablation. Essentially it takes a good 3 months until you can see somewhat of a definitive result from the procedure. Does the tumor appear necrotic or "dead" on the scans? Is my blood work looking good? How am I feeling in general? These things help determine the outcome of the cryoablation procedure.

As it happens tomorrow March 18th I will be having another mri. During the mri they will inject the "stuff" or contrast. If my tumor picks it up well (essentially if it is alive then the tumor soaks up the stuff and is very distinct on the scan) then the tumor is still viable (alive), if it does not, it does not "soak up the stuff," and is difficult to detect on the films and then it is more reasonable to believe it is dead.

We are doing this to still try and make sure that it makes sense to do the cyberknife now. You can't treat the same area twice with the cyberknife, so if we decide to go ahead, not being assured if the tumor is necrotic or not, we could be, and would be, wasting a tool in our arsenal, so to speak. So we are all trying to make sure there is something there to "zap" and in a nutshell that takes time.

In the meantime, I have been feeling totally fine. I am working out 2-3 days a week and just trying to enjoy this time of quiet. The kids are doing great and loving school and life as they should and we are enjoying them.

Thanks guys for all your support as always. It is never taken for granted. I have been praying for all who pray for me, I have been doing the rosary during lent and including you all in my prayers.

I really want to also take this time to let everyone know that March is Colon Cancer Awareness Month. Please, if you are 50 and over get a colonoscopy. It can save your life. If you are under 50 and feel signs and symptoms, such as rectal bleeding, dark tar-like stools, bloating, constipation etc. fight to get a colonoscopy done. Especially if there is a family history. Cancer as we all know is no joke but colon cancer is preventable, treatable, BEATABLE!!!

Enjoy your family and friends and don't sweat the small stuff. You won't remember what it was in a week, what you were fretting over. Life can be hard, and very unfair, but it can also be great, beautiful and should be lived and enjoyed!

With much love,

Friday, January 29, 2010

Doing Great!

Hello everyone. Thank you for all the prayers and support over the last few weeks.

I have to say this was the easiest thing I have been through, procedure/treatment wise in almost 3 years. I recovered quickly and well (something that NEVER seems to happen in my circumstances). Before even the first week was out I was in no pain, and wasn't even sore. I don't even think this procedure is going to leave a scar. Though it really can't compete with the big momma-jomma scar I already have. That will always be my best one heh?

So I am going to go for a CT scan next wed, which will start documentation of the baseline of what my liver and the tumor looks like post ablation, with subsequent scans to follow and mark the progression of healing(of liver) and death(of tumor). We are still moving toward the cyberknife treatment but as Dr. Moriarty said to me the other day "lets just see where the dust settles." But my impression is that the cyberknife will also be done but maybe in a month or two.

Here is the link to cyberknife info (because I am horrible at explaining it).

And now for just some icing on the cake. My CEA before the procedure was at 52 with us expecting it to rise after the procedure, because that's generally what happens when you go in there "sturrin up some stuff." But today I was told that it is at 29! I was happily shocked and it felt great to hear good news like that again. It was a small sweet victory and I was savoring it all day.

Thanks again for all of you support. The best notes of love and support and funny jokes always come at a perfect time. I hope you all know I am praying for you all who pray for me and my family and love us and support us. We are so grateful for all your help.

With Much Love,

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Cryo-ablation Post-Op

Karen's doing well. Her procedure is done, it took all of 3 hours and it went fine. I was able to see her briefly. She was comfortable, very cold but in good spirits. She's in recovery now and will be transfered to a room soon.

I spoke to Dr. Kamienecke who did the procedure. He said it went fine, no surprises. They used two probes and got a good freeze on as much as possible. The tumor is close to her lung and some other warm blood vessels so they can't be sure the required freezing temperature was reached on those bits.

She'll stay at least tonight in St. Barnabas and hopefully be discharged tomorrow.

A PET scan will be scheduled for 3 months from now and only then will we know if we got it "deaded".

For now we'll take this as a result.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

We're Ready to Freeze!

Well we finally have our tumor killing procedure planned for tomorrow morning at St. Barnabas Hospital in Livingston NJ. Instead of doing the RFA procedure in which the tumor is burned the are going to do something called cryoablation (click on this to get some more info). This is essentially the same thing except the tumor is frozen instead of burned.

The doctors (interventional radiologists) came to this decision because this causes less damage to the surrounding tissues, and since this is close to my lung and a major blood vessel this approach makes sense, and all my other doctors are in agreement. The procedure will mean an overnight stay (let's pray it's just one night) to check for internal bleeding, and infection.

There is a chance however that because this tumor is in such a precarious position that it might not be reachable without harming me and they may not be able to perform the procedure at all. Essentially the risk would outweigh the benefit. I am just putting in this caveat because I know we are all hopeful that with a whiz and a flash this will "get gone" but it may not happen in the way we are expecting and wanting.

I am naturally very apprehensive and just plain old fashioned scared, but I am grateful for this option to be able to have this tumor treated locally without resorting to chemo just yet.

I also wanted to add what we have told and discussed with Sydney and Ethan. We just talked to them about it last night and the discussion is of course always open and ongoing. However we told them that mommy is going to the hospital to work on my tummy again. There are germs in there, and I have to go the hospital to get thee medicine I need to fix it. I have to sleep over there for a few nights. Ethan thinks it's great that he "doesn't have to see my stinky robe in the morning" and thinks it will be cool to come see me in the hospital.
Sydney burst into tears. We are still talking to them both of them about it but of course she bounced out of bed this morning happy as a lark and off to school she went. There is no doubt there are nervous and scared but we are continuing to talk about it with them.

I want to reiterate that Fran and I have reassessed, thought about and discussed whether we should tell the kids I have cancer. And after much thought, discussion and reassessing are sticking with our decision not to. We are being honest with them in terms they understand. We feel like saying to them I have cancer is just putting a label on it and is too much of an abstract concept for them to understand. In my opinion its a label that will just terrify (especially Sydney) them and will accomplish nothing. If I had lupus I wouldn't tell them that either because it's not something they can understand, but they understand what sick means, and germs mean and that hospitals and doctors are places that help you get better.

I hope that everyone will continue to support us in this and will also talk to the kids about it in this manner if they ask questions, or want to talk about "mommy's tummy" etc.

I know I say this all the time, but it is so important to say. You all have been so crazy supportive!!!!!!!!! My family, my friends, people I do not know - I cannot tell you how it keeps me afloat. It keeps me from sinking. I can't tell how many times I am so down or crying and my blackberry beeps and its a note, or message from someone and it lifts my mood completely, and yes I admit it, I usually hug or kiss my blackberry expressing my gratitude!

I really don't like violence but I am ready to kill, kill, kill this tumor dead. Smush it, smash it, freeze it, destroy it. I want to say in the words of my amazing daughter (after she has bravely killed a bug) "I deaded it"! So here is to deading.

I love you all so much. Thank you for loving me and sticking with me.

Fran you have been incredible. You have been strong, and I have been able to lean on you. Thank you babe.

Much Love,

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Slowly Moving Along

I have been holding back on updating, because I am trying to get concrete info and dates and things have been progressing slowly, but they are progressing.

We met with the interventional radiologist dr. on the 31st of December to discuss doing the RFA procedure. He is concerned that my lung might be in the way of doing this procedure in relation to where the tumor is located.

At any rate the bottom line is he will be talking to my surgeon Dr. Chamberlain and some other specialists and I am told I will be hearing from them on Monday the 4th with the result of their discussion. So we are still in a holding pattern but as my friend/nurse Kathy told me, it is a good thing that this is taking time, in that many doctors/specialists are looking at this case and taking every care and precaution to do the very best thing for the best result which is 100% tumor death.
And as always she is right.

Thank you everyone for the emails, and messages and encouragement and prayers. I have been a mental and spiritual wreck over this and every comment, and note of encouragement and love I have been receiving helps me in unmeasurable ways. So I do thank you from the bottom of my heart.

When we have more concrete dates and such myself or Fran will definitely be posting.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and New Year, I know my family did.

Much Love,