Friday, August 28, 2009

Another Crystal Clear Hurdle

Well I'll just be out with it then. We met with Dr. Moriarty today. To be honest I was a nervous wreck. By the time we got into the waiting room my heart was pounding in my chest. The last two weeks have been an especially mentally torturous. I just knew there had to be something wrong. I was ready to hear the bad. Did I know what that meant? No. But I was really expecting it.

I thought for sure this time I would be meeting with the chemo nurses, scheduling appts, preparing my family, telling myself to get ready for treatments, get ready to go bald. I couldn't get my head out of this place, that something would be there on the scans.

By the time I was in the exam room waiting for Dr. Dan I was in tears. They just were flowing and I couldn't stop them. Super nurses Kathy and Kim came in and said we just asked Moriarty what the scans were like so you wouldn't sit here suffering and he said "great" that they are "great." I just couldn't believe it. They were like "hey aren't you happy?" and I just was to afraid to believe it.

Then he poked his head in before seeing the patient waiting before me, and said "they're great!" I thought to myself I need to see the scans. I needed to look at that liver.

Then he comes in and puts the report in front of me and says "here look." He points to the last sentence "No evidence of new metastatic lesion." So then of course I go over some organs, "nothing in the ovaries? lung? pancreas?? nothing??? "Karen there's nothing."

"Can I see the scans??????? "

"Yesssss Kaaaren you can see the scans." So my amazing Dr. Moriarty takes me and Fran to the scans and carefully goes over them.

"what's that, that right there?? Those big spaces????

He patiently says "it's air, it's gas Karen." Oh

"okay what's all this crap over here?"

"It's dressing from your surgery that stays in there." Oh

"what's this junk, what's that?"

"it's this and your that." Oh

He compared my old, crap tumor-filled liver to the new liver the incredible genius Dr. Chamberlain gave me. It was a beautiful thing. My new liver has no holes, shadows and scary stuff in it. No cancer. And none anywhere else.

I'm still crying. I'm still stunned. People may think "well your cancer was already gone 6 months ago."
Well I don't know how other people are (who have/had cancer) but for me I live life one day at a time, and for now in every three month intervals, and thats not a complaint but just a fact of life for now, but the main thing is I live. I am so joyously happy. I feel a few more feet away from the nightmare, peeking around corners, carefully taking my steps.

Where would I be without Dr. Moriarty? I don't know. He will never know how much he means to me. He is an amazing, smart, wise doctor, who (in my opinion knows everything) he has saved my life and I love and adore him.

Where would I be without Kathy, Kim, Chris, Sonya, and Gina these nurses who are precious and priceless to me. They have helped carry me, push me and hold me for the last 2.5 years during the darkest time of my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you Dr. Chamberlain who is smart, agressive, and cares and respects his patients so much. Thank you for saving my life.

I just want people to know how amazing these people are. They are angels, they are healers, but to them they are just doing their jobs. I thank you God for each and every one of them.

I just want to thank all of you for your continued prayers and support. All of the comments, emails, notes, etc. really do mean so much to me. They fuel me and keep me going. I do continue to pray for you all.

Thank you to my husband and my children for sticking by me and loving me. And to my parents and siblings for all your love and support. Thank you to all my friends and the people who I hardly know who continue to carry and support and pray for me. There aren't enough words.

I am so very grateful, so humbled that I am still here. It does not escape me ever. Thank you merciful God.

With much love,

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Scan Dates

Hello friends. I have my ct scan scheduled for August 26th with the review scheduled for 28th with Dr. Moriarty. When we know the results good, bad or ugly we shall share them with you all. I am hopeful but naturally very apprehensive, which of course does nothing, and produces nothing, but they are emotions I don't think any cancer patient escapes when it's "scan time." Some days I have myself convinced its back, and other days I say to myself there is no way it will ever come back, and so it goes. Please keep us in your prayers.

I am feeling much better physically and mentally. I am tired a lot, but I am also exercising a lot and attributing my fatigue to that at the moment. I really cannot complain. Things are going well.

I would also like to acknowledgthe passing of our friend Christine Niemi. Her blog link is on the sidebar of my blog "coloncancersucksass" which of course it does.

She passed away July 18th 2009. She was 32. She was the first "young" stage 4 cancer patient who I befriended when I was diagnosed, terrified, and frantic to find "someone like me," and of course she befriended me right back. She was a comforting friend to me but didn't mince words about how bad this cancer is or how bad it gets. I loved her honesty. She was an extremely strong woman. Going to graduate school throughout her treatment and lobbying congress about colon cancer prevention, and screening for those who were in need of it and uninsured. You can read about you tenacity, courage, and drive here

Christine I will miss having you as a friend and someone who I looked up to. May you be resting peacefully in heaven suffering no longer. My condolences to her family and those grieving her loss.

Let keep praying for each other.

With much love,

Sunday, August 2, 2009

People are Awesome

I have no news here - which is good news right? I just came across this woman's incredible story. She is a tough chick and I love it. I just wanted to post her link here.

Defying the odds...yea that's a good thing. That's the club I want to be in.

I love you all. And I am praying for you all too.