Monday, August 17, 2015

Stage 4 Colon Cancer-Just Keep Swimming!

Summer hello's to all my family and friends! I will get right to it.

I had my scans about a month ago and once again I held my breath and waited, planned out my chemo schedule and how I would handle it all, planned how we'd tell the kids. Because with every scan, with every blood test I expect the worst. Somehow, for reasons I will never understand God gives me the best.

Perfectly clean scans. Nothing. Dead calcified tumors still dead and calcified. No growth-no change.

Every other organ and scanned part of my body is normal. Unremarkable-as they say in the reports. 
I love that word. 

I have been feeling good, but still have to take things kind of easy. I have, finally, well almost 90% accepted that I can't do the things I used to do at a physical level. If I want to exercise-even if it's just a 2 mile walk I try and make sure I don't have to much to do the next day because my body will be physically drained. My memory is crap-the other day someone asked for my phone number and for 10 embarrassing seconds could not remember it.  Thankfully it was over the phone and she couldn't see my blushing. 

It's all good and I'm not complaining. I am grateful to be alive but I am just speaking to where I am now. I'll take it any day of the week. 

We have been having a great summer, the kids are 9 and 11 now and thriving. I am so grateful to be by their sides and helping them and guiding (I hope!) them as they grow into this new tween/adolescent phase of their lives. It makes my heart rejoice to have made it with them this far in their lives. It feels like I've made it to another marker with each milestone in they come across and experience with each birthday they have. 

There isn't much I can say that I haven't already said. I am very far from perfect or very learned and I will never claim to be. But one thing I do know. Each day we are on this earth is a gift. I don't even ask for God's blessing for tomorrow because I don't even know if that day will come. Be with each other, listen to one another, love and forgive. If you are alone and isolated in this life seek out others who are who are in the same boat, or who are having a difficult time. Give them your love and company and you will find that healing love and companionship returned to you. There is always someone who has it worse. Always. Seek them out and have compassion. That is what I have learned. Because life is hard, we all need love, and tomorrow may not come. 

Thank you for your continued support and prayers. It means so much.

I also want to encourage anyone who wants to, please feel free to contact me with any questions or anything you want to talk about in relating to cancer. It never bothers me.

Much love to everyone,