Thursday, August 30, 2012

Summer Update

Hello to all! It has been a long time since I posted, I know. But things have really been that quiet. They have been ordinary, mundane, nothin-doin. And that my friends, is a gift.

I'll go straight to the logistics. My CEA continues to hover around 4.5. It has been that way, for at least 10 months, I think. I haven't had any scans since my last one in March. Dr. Moriarty wanted to wait 6 months (first time in 5 years!) for the next one, as long as my blood work/CEA was normal. I begrudgingly agreed. I knew it was a positive thing, but I also found it very unnerving to wait so long. I almost felt like I was being a bit arrogant. Like "hey look at me I'm so way cool and better so I am totally waiting 6 months man!" But yet I waited and now September is upon us and wheels are in motion for setting up my scan appointment soon. 
I have also been seeing Dr. Moriarty once a month still to get my port flushed and blood work done and to just meet and see how my health is faring. 

In anniversary news, as of August 10th 2012, it has been 2 years since my last chemotherapy treatment. I have not had any chemotherapy treatment or Erbitux. Hopefully, if all goes well with my scans, October 26th of this year, it will have been 2 years since my SIR-spheres procedure, and my last procedure full stop.

Okay so this whole 5 year deal? The fact that I am alive, and thriving, and to this date, no clinically detectable cancer to speak of? Miracle, my dear friends. And I do not use this word lightly. Just two months ago, this past June, another friend of mine battling the same stage 4 cancer as I, passed away, she had to leave behind her 7 year old boy and her husband. She was 33 years old. Out of respect for her desire for privacy I won't give her name. I also don't speak of her for sympathy on my part. I speak of my lovely friend, because that should also be me, or she should also be me yes? Do you see?

Every morning when I wake up-BOOM-an amazing gift. But wait, it gets better, more amazing gifts to follow! Then I have two healthy happy children that I have the privilege of caring for and raising, and a husband who works so hard, and loves me BOOM! WAIT!! It gets even better!! I am not sick, I feel great, I can walk on my own two feet, take care of my self. BOOM! Make my kids something that resembles breakfast, sit and watch cartoons with them (with my coffee of course)- BOOM, BOOM, KABOOM! Pure, pure, pure gift, upon gift upon gift of life. And that's just my morning my friends.

Every day, every single day, I marvel and I am deeply grateful that I am alive. Because I really shouldn't be. That will never escape me, nor leave me. If it ever does I should be slapped...hard. 

Each day that I open my eyes, is a great day. I don't think I am really able to even say "I had a bad day today." What? No way.  It may be a stressful day. It may be a sad day. It may be a difficult day. But I am in that day present and accounted for. It is a most precious gift that I don't take for granted. When we are out with the kids, or the kids and I are outside blowing bubbles or something, I am thinking and feeling that I cannot believe I am getting to do this! That emotion pours in, resonates and flows through my whole body and I am deeply, deeply grateful and very humbled. This happens every day with me.

I know tomorrow is not promised. I knew about it before, but now I have lived it and I am still living it. Cancer is always lurking back there. I try not to pay it much mind, but yes with scan time, comes the "scanxiety" but to think about that now would be wasting time, not living in the present, not focusing on being able to write to all you amazing people who have prayed, supported, loved and cheered my family on these last 5 years. I selfishly ask please don't stop praying!

I have had the privilege of speaking with a lot of different people out there who most specifically have stage 4 colon cancer. I know I don't have a lot going on, but I will continue with the blog because people need to know that there is hope. There is a place in all of the dark world of cancer where people can get to wellness. I don't just mean myself. There are many others out there. If there is anyone new to this blog there is a great calendar out there called the Colondar. It has 12 different stage 4 colon cancer survivors featured on it. They are all young people diagnosed with colon cancer at a very young age such as myself.  On the cover is a woman who is an 11year stage 4 cc survivor! Go to and the calendar is featured there. It is an amazing source of hope. If you know of someone who may find this helpful please pass it along.

Once my scans are done and all is known I will post the info. Please pray all is clear. Thank you ahead of time.

Thank you all again for your unfailing love and support to our family. We thank you for it and are very grateful to be so blessed. Let's continue to pray for one another, and live fully in the present.

Much love,