Monday, January 22, 2018

6 Years Of Remission

Hello all my family and friends. It has been a year since I have posted and I apologize. I'm doing it now though! 

I have had 2 scans since I last posted. The most recent one being this past month. Both, as with the last 15 or so have been clean. I am talking squeaky clean people! 

I don't know why I didn't post last time, or the time before. I think my heart wasn't in it. I have been so lucky to be healthy for so long without a recurrence while at same time I was experiencing people my age and younger dying from the same disease. I just felt too conflicted posting my good news I think.

I want to switch gears a bit and speak to a very special group of people. I want to speak to those out there reading this who are going through cancer whether it be late stage or not. Maybe you have just been diagnosed, or been battling for awhile.
I am here for you. Please feel free to contact me. Even if you just need to vent. Maybe you need to say those things that are so hard to express, or have your loved ones understand. 

Though you are loved and have well meaning people around you, late stage cancer can be very isolating. The fear and debilitating effects of chemo can bring you to your knees. The knowledge that after all you are putting yourself through with chemo and other treatments, may in fact not net a curative result. It makes you want to give up. You want to stop. Say just forget it. But people will be afraid if you tell them that. Tell you to stay positive. Which is a normal reaction. But your mind is screaming, "I can't do this anymore!" That's what it feels like after awhile. What do you do with those thoughts and feelings that are as real as the air you breathe?

How do you handle when you lose someone you have bonded with, with the same cancer? You think that could be me. That fear feels like ice water in your veins that can stop your heart. Followed by the guilt of thinking that, followed by the guilt of still being alive. 

When you see your family suffering and scared and hurting. Adults knowing they could lose you. Your kids seeing you sick. Knowing you can't say, "don't worry honey, I'll get better and it won't come back." That is one of the worst, most sickening feelings I have ever experienced. 

You are not alone. I know what your going through. Please don't hesitate to contact me. You shouldn't carry this alone. 
My thoughts and prayers are with you. 

Karen

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Such GREAT news Karen!You are indeed so blessed.Having my scan 4.months after my 3rd surgery in 7 months since diagnosed with CRC 1.5 years ago.Cant believe its been so long already.Thank u Karen for posting again.It really helps.

F said...

Thank you, Karen. Your words mean a lot to many people who are going through similar challenges. When my wife was diagnosed with mCRC, April 2017, I showed her your blog and told her: You too must overcome this disease.

May you continue to post your yearly report for many, many decades. And may my wife and I read it with joy.

Unknown said...

Karen...I would like to speak with you please. Bobby

Anonymous said...

Hi Karen,
My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 rectal cancer in April 2017 at age 39. Our youngest had just turned 1 and our two girls were 4 and 6. My husband, the kids, and myself have been through hell and back this last year. When we started this he had at least one confirmed tumor in his lung and liver. By the time he got to surgery last fall, there was no sign of disease anywhere. I can't even begin to tell you what a miracle that is. My husband is finishing up his "last" 3 Folfox treatments and then we wait and see. In the early days of the discovery of the cancer, and then the extensiveness of it, I can tell you the only glue that held me together were stories like yours. I visited your blog for hours, pouring over every post to try to understand what the path before us could look like and how to get our kids through it in one piece. I want to thank both you and your husband for sharing your blog with the world. Your story has given me the hope and courage that I can do this, we can do this. I don't know where our story will end up but I know that we are not alone. Thank you!