There but for the grace of God go I. My scans were completely clean. Abdomen, chest, pelvis-unremarkable. No signs of metastatic disease.
When I am blessed to get news like this it takes me time to absorb and contemplate. I never think my scans are going to be good simply because the last scans were. Cancer doesn't work that way. With stage 4 cancer it will never work that way. So it took me awhile to sit down, write and update everyone because I just need time to think, to believe it was true. So I thank you for your patience with me.
I am still seeing Dr. Moriarty every month and get my blood work done. My numbers are still good staying around 4 or 5, without any great leaps into higher numbers thank God.
I am still working two days a week, doing my dental hygiene thing. However my schedule has changed where I work on Mondays and Fridays and that has helped me physically regroup on those days off, as my immune system is crap and I have the stamina of a 90 year old. But that's very cool with me and I'll take it.
Life is great, but it can also be very difficult. I have been thinking so much about these opposing forces. Life is hard, it comes in so many forms, this hardness of life. The burdens we all carry. Be patient with one another because you may not know what heavy burden that person is dealing with that day. Be forgiving, it too, can be difficult, especially with those we love.
When we are on our deathbed, we may have the blessing, or sometimes the curse, of time before you pass. You want to know you can be proud of your life. I think we all know our lives can never be based on our careers, or money, or things. They will always be based on how we loved and gave of ourselves, especially in the most difficult of circumstances. You can never take material things with you. What you had or didn't have in this life is pointless. But your love, or lack of love for others will remain.
I have thought I was going to die many times over these last years and I have lost so many friends. I am blessed with having some time now to live. I have been trying to live in the moment, in the day I am in, and trying to be concsious of loving, listening and being still. I fail many times. But I keep trying.
Life is such a gift my friends. Please don't sweat the small stuff, it's just not worth it.
Thank you all for your continued love and support. Let's keep praying for each other-we all need it.
Love to all,
Karen
