I start this first post of 2017 saying I am now 5 years NED!! I have had 2 scans since I last posted, the most recent being in December of 2016. Clean, clean, clean in 2017!
So here I am cancer free still. I am starting to even entertain the idea of considering myself a "healthy" person. That isn't a category I put myself in. When Dr. Moriarty told me 5 years ago that there is no evidence of cancer it's not as if all of a sudden, "poof" the last 5 years of fear and illness, and well, fear and illness disappear. Not to mention the cancer had been gone and come back before. So I am pretty slow to move on I guess. But over the last month I would think "hmm just maybe....I can entertain healthy." Is that so bad? I guess I am getting there.
It has definitely been a different kind of journey these later 5 years dealing with the emotional aftermath of things. Something I didn't anticipate after remission and felt guilty for even having to admit any struggles at all.
But I would much rather be working on that than be living the ambiguity of late stage cancer. I am so grateful. There are many people I am grateful too also. Not the least of whom, is Dr. Daniel Moriarty. That guy had the nerve to retire last April! Can you believe it?
I couldn't bring it up in the last post. My emotions were too raw. Having known the whole year previous this day was coming, I don't think it mitigated my heartbreak all that much. Logically I knew it was good and right. Deep down I was and still am very happy for him. But after being in the trenches hand and hand with this person, this person who not only saved my life, but became my mentor, my cheerleader, and a very cherished friend saying goodbye does not come easy. He saw me through 5 years of hell, and the next 4 years recovering from hell and all the fear and worry of recurrence that comes with being in remission. Aside from my husband I don't think anyone else has seen my cry and stomp and blubber more than this man. What a lucky guy huh?
There are only a few people in this world who have deeply impacted my life in the way that he has. So if you have a moment please spare a kind thought and/or a prayer for my friend. Someone who possesses great intelligence, wisdom, and even greater compassion not only for me, but for all of his patients, absent of all the ego he has every right to have. That's what makes him a beautiful doctor, and an even more beautiful human being.
That's my Dr. Moriarty. I miss him, but I am so happy for his new life, and I hope it is full of joy, and laughter and peace.
Thank you Dr. Moriarty.